Short Breaks

Posted by Teacher Shane | | Category: |

The song below is a parody (funny song based on another song) of the popular 1970′s Gloria Gaynor hit song “I Will Survive.”



“I Will Survive” – Thanksgiving Version

At first I was an egg, I was petrified* (very scared; very frightened)
Kept thinking I’d be lost or I’d get cracked (for something hard to be broken so that a line appears on the surface) and fried
But you took me to your nest (bird’s home) before it was too late
and kept me warm and you helped me incubate (for an egg to be kept warm until a bird is hatched or born).

And now you’re back, think you’re the boss
Wanna put me on a plate next to your wife’s cranberry sauce (a sweet jelly sauce made from cranberries, eaten at Thanksgiving)
I should have known this day would come
I should have known not to relax
If I thought for just a second that you’d come in here with an ax (tool for cutting wood).

Go on now go, walk out the door
Just turn around now
Ain’t chopping (using a sharp tool to cut) my head to the floor.
Weren’t you the one who prized (highly valued) this dark meat on my thighs (upper part of a leg)?
Do you think I’d gobble (make the noise that a turkey makes)?
Did you think I’d lay down and die?

Oh on, not I.
I will survive.
Oh as long as I know how to peck (for a bird to use its hard mouth (beak) to hit or bite), I know I’ll stay alive.
Got my wings so I won’t fall,
Ain’t selling me to Butterball (popular U.S. company that sells turkeys).
I will survive.
I will survive.
…

* “Petrified” can also mean for a living thing to turn into something very, very hard because it is very old, like a fossil.

Doctor Jokes by Henny Youngman


Henny Youngman was a comedian most famous and popular in the U.S. in the 1950′s. He was known for his one-liners, which are short, simple jokes that are usually delivered (said) quickly. We talked about perhaps his most famous joke in the Learning Guide for English Cafe 47. His jokes are still told today.
Friday’s ESL Podcast 379 is called “A Routine Medical Procedure.” If you need to see the doctor, I hope you don’t see one of these!
~ Lucy
doctoriff.gif
The doctor says, “You’ll live to be 60!”
The patient says, “I am 60!”
The doctor says, “See, what did I tell you (what I told you was right)?”
…
A doctor says to a man, “You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run 10 miles a day.”
Two weeks later, the man called the doctor.
The doctor says, “How is your love life since you have been running?”
“I don’t know, I’m 140 miles away!”
…
The doctor says to the patient, “Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window.”
“What will that do?” asks the patient.
The doctor says, “I’m mad (angry) at my neighbor!”
…
Doctor says to a man, “You’re pregnant (going to have a baby)!”
The man says, “How does a man get pregnant?”
The doctor says, “The usual way – a little wine, a little dinner….”
…
Nurse: “Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to (told was completely healthy) dropped dead right (immediately; at the moment) as he was leaving the office”.
Doctor: “Turn him around. Make it look like he was walking in.”
…
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
* Cartoon: Funny has two meanings. It means something that makes you laugh and something that is strange or feels strange. Ridiculous = silly; absurd

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